I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
