at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
