just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
