Non-Jews are for practice
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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