I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
