um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
