this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
