before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
