Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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