I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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