I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He has the fingertips of a God
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