One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did I show you my penis last night?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
