So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
