I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
