I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
