My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
