True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
