my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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