At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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