i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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