the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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