i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
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you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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