I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
