I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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