Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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