I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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