If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
