you mean i was at the winter classic?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So squirting runs in the family.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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