I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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