Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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