Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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