Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
