he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
