I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
