somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
