are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
