She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
