dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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