Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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