your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think your dad took our porno
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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