me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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