This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
