I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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