I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
