Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
