Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Your tits are I can't wait for
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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