I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
