i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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