I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
