Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
