apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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