Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
