the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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