Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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