whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
