Christians are straight up FREAKS
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
