Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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