C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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