so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize