I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
