i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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