I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
40s are totally the cure
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
