Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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