I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
