help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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