Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
People in love make me want to vomit
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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