dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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