the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
