I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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