ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
