rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
