Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
