Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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