fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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