1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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